mills

My name is Mills Baker; I write about love, culture, art, religion, mental illness, philosophy, memory, politics and the rather random.

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Posts tagged igor stravinsky.

Igor Stravinsky - Petrushka

My mother emailed me a link to the above performance, and wrote:

My very first favorite classical piece of music was Stravinsky’s Petrushka [which I heard when just a child], living in Mexico City at our house, #5 Prado Sur, DF. I did not know the composition was for a ballet. The 78s were hard heavy records, each one in a paper sleeve, and I was allowed to play them to my heart’s content when my parents were out for the evening (often five times a week). I dropped the razor sharp record player’s needle as gently as possible…
I must have felt a sense of dance through Stravinsky’s music.  After all, I was taking ballet lessons at the time and made my own very thrilling cameo ballet debut on stage at the Bellas Artes Theatre, Mexico… Several months, later, I was stricken with typhoid. My parents were anxious, and the portable record player was moved to my bedside.

Before this email, I was unaware that my mother had ever had typhoid, had danced ballet, and had lived in Mexico City before she lived in Berlin. The lives they led before us! As Paul Simon said, “That was your mother / that was your father / before you was born, dude / when life was great. You are the burden / of my generation / I sure do love you / but let’s get that straight.”

“Art will always want us. It finds us infinitely desirable.”

Clive James, describing the “lust for discovery [that is] a feeling as concentrated and powerful as amorous longing, with the advantage that we never [have] to fear rejection.” James’ point is elsewhere, and I don’t wish to linger on the notion of art as an escape except to note that if it is, it is not necessarily a cowardly one.

Milan Kundera once defended Igor Stravinsky against critics who, romantics and sentimentalists that they were, felt he suffered from a “poverty of heart.” He didn’t emote enough for them, and as music seemed to serve these critics as a mirror in which to observe (and parade) their own feelings he was thus a formalist and a failure.

Kundera mounts a convincing counter-argument before additionally noting that Stravinsky’s critics themselves didn’t “have heart enough to understand the wounded feelings that lay behind his vagabondage through the history of music,” to see that devotion to art and to form and to beauty is a sort of love in itself, one perhaps preferable for a man so displaced in reality as Stravinsky. (Stravinsky lived in exile, and -Kundera claims- found his home in music’s historical development).

If your country is taken over by savage ideologues and your woman runs off with your friend, taking the dog, you can do worse than turning yourself over to art, which is never insincere in its desire to share something -life, experience, perception, form- with you.

“Music is, by its very nature, essentially powerless to express anything at all.” -Igor Stravinsky

Is this video powerless to express anything all? Can you tell from this video how much I loved her, and how much she loved me? Can you tell that, as Julian Barnes wrote, “I loved her; we were happy; I miss her…we were unhappy; I [still] miss her?”

When I start to write about Sofia, I cannot stop: the thread of my thoughts and feelings about her is unending, and it tangles around every idea I have about love, about ethics, about life’s meaning, about suffering, and about the self.

And I cannot write anything decent about her because what I feel is unrefined; Kundera once said that art takes suffering and redeems it into existential wisdom, but I have no desire to make use of the painful detritus of our love. I don’t want to be wiser. I want to hold onto every painful scrap; they substantiate me.

So my first draft of this post was about Jesus: what is so remarkable, I once asked my father, about his willingness to die, given that he knew his death would bring eternal life to humanity (and note: it is not necessary to believe anything at all about religion to ponder this question; as an atheist, I am fascinated by it).

Do you have a lover, family, friends, children? Would you not die to spare them hell, to give them heaven? Don’t soldiers and martyrs of all kinds sacrifice themselves for the ends they think are noble? Isn’t the willingness to die to save our loved ones a trait of which we humans can be proud?

His answer -again speaking within the imaginative framework of the story- was that we must assume Jesus was “fully human,” and unsure if his death would mean anything at all.

I am unsure if love means anything at all. I don’t know how the world sustains it: to endure the anguish of your children, the enfeeblement of your spouses, the deaths of your friends, and steady your hearts for another day is as courageous as anything I can imagine.

Sofia told me this weekend of something awful that happened to her, and I can say that I lack such courage; I despise the universe for striking out at the gentle, the meek, the good, and I feel sick with weakness that I cannot protect those I care for.

So, hello Sofia, and I’m sorry.