mills

My name is Mills Baker; I write about love, culture, art, religion, mental illness, philosophy, memory, politics and the rather random.

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Your search for dog five returned 21 posts.
The tree under which my grandfather’s ashes are scattered.
Every trip to the ranch has its theme, probably because everything there resonates in me. Some trips seem merely diverting and some seem momentous, laden with epiphanies and euphoria, but always after I return to the city everything settles back into its ordinary place. Our breathless realizations have little effect on us, whatever their initial revolutionary luster. Nothing disturbs the habits of our selves.
Will, John, Spencer, Andy, and I were accompanied by my dogs, some deer, and a ludicrous number of pigs; they’re taking over the forests and pastures. The full photoset is here, and below are some excerpts:

Will in the pasture late at night, shining for animals. I did a lot of moonlight shooting; most of it I screwed up.

I am fonder of clouds than I was now that I have a use for them.

In the ruins of the shack my great-grandfather used to stay in I found checks from 1931 which he signed (his name was Roger Mills Thomas), an old Christmas card, various oddities, and this newspaper from the day Oswald was shot (lower part of page here).

John seemed to think that long exposure ghosting was a superpower, as though his translucency in the shot gave him translucency in real life; he referred to this as “the Predator effect.”

Around the fire (which was partly made through Darwin-Award-courting heroism).

Spencer and his “king size” guitar behind the house.
I don’t want to disappoint Kevin, so here is Bayou after another ineffectual effort at getting an armadillo and here is Five in the same state; it’s nice to let them go crazy without fear they’ll harm anything. Toward the end of the set both dogs demonstrate their relative climbing prowess, and Will his firefighter guts.

The tree under which my grandfather’s ashes are scattered.

Every trip to the ranch has its theme, probably because everything there resonates in me. Some trips seem merely diverting and some seem momentous, laden with epiphanies and euphoria, but always after I return to the city everything settles back into its ordinary place. Our breathless realizations have little effect on us, whatever their initial revolutionary luster. Nothing disturbs the habits of our selves.

Will, John, SpencerAndy, and I were accompanied by my dogs, some deer, and a ludicrous number of pigs; they’re taking over the forests and pastures. The full photoset is here, and below are some excerpts:

Will in the pasture late at night, shining for animals. I did a lot of moonlight shooting; most of it I screwed up.

I am fonder of clouds than I was now that I have a use for them.

In the ruins of the shack my great-grandfather used to stay in I found checks from 1931 which he signed (his name was Roger Mills Thomas), an old Christmas card, various oddities, and this newspaper from the day Oswald was shot (lower part of page here).

John seemed to think that long exposure ghosting was a superpower, as though his translucency in the shot gave him translucency in real life; he referred to this as “the Predator effect.”

Around the fire (which was partly made through Darwin-Award-courting heroism).

Spencer and his “king size” guitar behind the house.

I don’t want to disappoint Kevin, so here is Bayou after another ineffectual effort at getting an armadillo and here is Five in the same state; it’s nice to let them go crazy without fear they’ll harm anything. Toward the end of the set both dogs demonstrate their relative climbing prowess, and Will his firefighter guts.

My dog Five is gregarious, obsessed with people, excessively-affectionate, and ridiculous. Jack July once complained that Five was like a frat-boy who hoped to force his tongue on every person at the bar.
Today, at the rainy St. Patrick’s Day parade one block from my house, Five additionally confirmed this description by (1) partying with an enthusiasm I haven’t had in a decade and (2) surreptitiously gunning for every alcoholic beverage left on the ground.
Above, he prepares to take down a Jello-shot. Don’t worry: I worked at a veterinary hospital; I know his limits, and don’t let him drive.

My dog Five is gregarious, obsessed with people, excessively-affectionate, and ridiculous. Jack July once complained that Five was like a frat-boy who hoped to force his tongue on every person at the bar.

Today, at the rainy St. Patrick’s Day parade one block from my house, Five additionally confirmed this description by (1) partying with an enthusiasm I haven’t had in a decade and (2) surreptitiously gunning for every alcoholic beverage left on the ground.

Above, he prepares to take down a Jello-shot. Don’t worry: I worked at a veterinary hospital; I know his limits, and don’t let him drive.

Tags: dogs five

Love & Dogs

My first requested over-long essay; here it is, TWIB. It surely reads too much into the subject, but I defend myself with Kafka’s assertion: “All knowledge, the totality of all questions and all answers, is contained in the dog.”

As a child, I didn’t use to know if I loved anyone. I wondered whether it was possible that I had simply assigned to the extremity of fondness I felt a name which it didn’t deserve; I have always been neurotic about such things (we perhaps expect too much of love).

It is a human concern, whether some devotion or adoration rises to the level of love; so too are concerns about love’s details, dimensions, and duration. They are human because they are linguistic and self-reflective; they involve the conscious mind, a spatiotemporal metaphor-machine which came into existence perhaps ten or twenty thousand years ago, not more.

It is at that approximate time that dogs and humans became intertwined, our domestication of them morphologically splintering them from their lupine forbears and their devotion to us perhaps helping to engender the moral decency Herbert Spencer referred to when he wrote that the “behavior of men to the lower animals and their behavior to each other bear a constant relationship.” (He was not alone in thinking that our relations with animals are a barometer of our morality).

The relationship between dog and human is peerless. Malcolm Gladwell noted some expressions of the inter-species connection from researchers who have found that absolutely alone among animals, dogs instinctively believe that humans will help them accomplish tasks. They are hyper-attentive to us, more than we are to ourselves; they register minute differences in posture, breathing, pupil dilation, and tone. They are more trusting of us, more drawn to us, than primates are, even Chimpanzees.

Recent scholarship suggests that this is the result of evolutionary development. After so many millennia of shared existence, dogs now come into the world looking for us; they seek us out and, finding us, have no wish to part. Their integration into human life has structured the formation of their mental world: they are now an animal which exists for another as well as for itself.

But does it abuse the language to say that they love us or that we love them? And if it does not, how do we relate this love to other forms of love?

One easy hierarchy of affections is proposed by Roger Scruton, whom I quoted some months ago; discussing pets, he writes that

“…[We] pour out on them the pent-up store of fellow-feeling, without fear of reproach. At the same time, we are acutely aware of their moral incompetence. Their affection, if it can be won at all, is easily won, and based on nothing… It implies no moral approval and leaves the character of its object unassessed and unendorsed.”

Though this is exaggerated (as there are some men even dogs dislike), it gives us a division: the “easily won…based on nothing” affection of an animal and the affection of humans, which carries with it “moral approval,” assessment, and endorsement. Although I found this idea striking when I first read it, something about it now seems presumptive, even absurd: Scruton’s vision of human love is precisely what is least appealing about it!

Milan Kundera once observed that if his wife said she loved him because he was handsome, intelligent, or charming, it meant very little: everyone loves those qualities, and they are only part of one’s character! But when she said that she loved him despite his ugliness, stupidity, or boorishness, it meant a great deal. Love based on attributes is contingent and common; love in the face of foibles is precious.

What Scruton suggests is superior is debatably so: it is a process of assessment; assessment is judgment. It is therefore a process in which one ignorant human, with pitifully partial knowledge of the deeds, experiences, thoughts, and feelings of another, judges him morally and either endorses him or rejects him, and that judgment will be based on shared, common, social norms: it will be replicable.

We recognize that such love is of dubious value. None of us will long survive the moral interrogation of a judge! In our depths and our darkness, humans are complexly ambiguous. Thus real love is understood to be a commitment -an act, a pact, a planned, willed, decisive choice- rather than the result of feeling or “moral approval.” Indeed, it is for this reason that we have other avenues for the moral approval we cannot give each other, most notably religion. Most religions in some way address the innate human sense of moral corruption, whether by contextualizing it as natural or something to be overcome or by asserting that it is forgiven by an act of a godly love.

This is felt to be a very profound sort of love: it is willfully blind to social judgments, to legal infractions, to filthiness and failure. It loves the soul, so to speak, and the soul is not one’s doings, one’s speech, or even one’s self; it is not the personality, the psyche, or the subconscious; it is the inimitable, unique essence of an individual beneath even his or her heart.

Of course, such a love does not recognize the parts of us we care most about: the sense of humor, the quickness with a kind word, the charity, the wounded self. Indeed, if we are all equally gifted this superhuman (or subhuman) love, what is it worth? We want to be loved both deeply and for who we are, even as that latter element is a changing and illusory quantity. We want to be loved both for the soul and for the self.

But we do not derogate this high form of love because it ignores the self. It is “extraordinary…so close…yet so remote,” as Thomas Mann said of dogs; it is a blind commitment to all humans, but we treasure it.

It may be objected that unlike the purported love of a god or a deeply affectionate relative, the blindness of a dog’s devotion is worth little because it reflects a calculus of natural selection, an evolutionary imperative. The same could be said of a mother’s love for her child, which has neither selfhood nor character and is no less loved for it. We tend to slight that which we perceive as “naturally-ordained” or automatic, as opposed to “consciously-willed.” But we are evolved creatures too, and those are impossible distinctions to clearly make.

My dogs are devoted to me and I am devoted to them, not in a way that leads me to cook for them but in a way that leads me to consider them of the utmost moral value. Indeed: for every story of a dog dying for its master there is a story of a master unwilling to part with his or her dog. A professor told me of one of his graduate students whose labrador had disappeared into the currents of the Mississippi at a treacherous point; the student dove in after the dog, and both drowned. Some people I share this with find it sad, and others ludicrous.

Perhaps devotion and love aren’t the same, but given that love as a feeling is less important than love as a willed decision, we might justly regard devotion as love’s deepest manifestation. And since we are all partly acting out our biological imperatives, we might argue that the presence of “intentionality” and “comprehension” in our affections is overemphasized.

These, too, are wasteful, idle, human questions. What is beyond them is the curious and felicitous relationship we have with this other species, which Maeterlinck described:

“We are alone, absolutely alone, on this chance planet; and amid all the forms of life that surround us, not one, excepting the dog, has made an alliance with us.”

However we describe this alliance, we are as fortunate to have it as the dog is, perhaps more so: in it we can see a paradigmatic instance of non-judgmental devotion, which I maintain is not less significant for being unconscious. It is not surprising that even atheists must refer to Eden to describe dogs and their effect on us: there is something very sublime in canine affection, whatever its origin.

Bayou will run on playground equipment; she will go more or less wherever I point and say, “Bayou, go see.” She will run up walls; she sit in precariously balanced inner-tube with me on a river.
Five gets all the attention because he seeks it; Bayou resists attention, except from those she’s known for some time. They are both rescued strays, but her street life was brutally traumatic; when she came home, she was nearly hairless, bruised, with scabies and mange and an animating fear of any human contact.
I do not exaggerate the intelligence or personality of dogs; they are what they are, which is more than enough and how I love them (not as less difficult four-legged people). But anthropomorphizing is natural, and when I see Bayou anxiously peering out of the windows from her chair -which only she uses- I wonder what she remains vigilant against (picture below):

But maybe she is just looking for cats.

Bayou will run on playground equipment; she will go more or less wherever I point and say, “Bayou, go see.” She will run up walls; she sit in precariously balanced inner-tube with me on a river.

Five gets all the attention because he seeks it; Bayou resists attention, except from those she’s known for some time. They are both rescued strays, but her street life was brutally traumatic; when she came home, she was nearly hairless, bruised, with scabies and mange and an animating fear of any human contact.

I do not exaggerate the intelligence or personality of dogs; they are what they are, which is more than enough and how I love them (not as less difficult four-legged people). But anthropomorphizing is natural, and when I see Bayou anxiously peering out of the windows from her chair -which only she uses- I wonder what she remains vigilant against (picture below):

But maybe she is just looking for cats.

Tags: dogs
The justly-venerated Magic Molly noted that “If you have a good relationship with your parents, you grow up with the idea that love is very simple.” I agree that it is from your parents that you learn the most about love, but would add there are other paradigmatic templates in our lives; to varying degrees, we learn about the dynamics and means and ends of relationships from our peers, our cultures, and the art which we interiorize.
In my case, I might have learned a great deal about love from my two dogs, shown above. I don’t think it exaggerates the case to say that the photos linked below document a routine with which every ex of mine is unhappily familiar, and indeed probably most female friends:

For no reason but Five’s innate and moronic giddiness, he initiates a form of teasing play that Bayou finds grating: not actually engaging, but impossible to just ignore. Such a guy!
Five thinks everything is going well because he is having fun, not realizing that his annoying provocation will not go unpunished.
Bayou, aware that Five is at his core weak and easily frightened, displays her steely, merciless mettle (my sort of girl).
Five, recognizing too late that the game isn’t fun anymore, bolts like hell to get away with a confused and frightened look on his face.

Perhaps I haven’t learned from them but rather they from me. In that case, I feel bad for Five and worse for Bayou for introducing into her serene life this rambunctious twirp who takes after me.

The justly-venerated Magic Molly noted that “If you have a good relationship with your parents, you grow up with the idea that love is very simple.” I agree that it is from your parents that you learn the most about love, but would add there are other paradigmatic templates in our lives; to varying degrees, we learn about the dynamics and means and ends of relationships from our peers, our cultures, and the art which we interiorize.

In my case, I might have learned a great deal about love from my two dogs, shown above. I don’t think it exaggerates the case to say that the photos linked below document a routine with which every ex of mine is unhappily familiar, and indeed probably most female friends:

  1. For no reason but Five’s innate and moronic giddiness, he initiates a form of teasing play that Bayou finds grating: not actually engaging, but impossible to just ignore. Such a guy!
  2. Five thinks everything is going well because he is having fun, not realizing that his annoying provocation will not go unpunished.
  3. Bayou, aware that Five is at his core weak and easily frightened, displays her steely, merciless mettle (my sort of girl).
  4. Five, recognizing too late that the game isn’t fun anymore, bolts like hell to get away with a confused and frightened look on his face.

Perhaps I haven’t learned from them but rather they from me. In that case, I feel bad for Five and worse for Bayou for introducing into her serene life this rambunctious twirp who takes after me.

Tags: dogs
Many people in Louisiana have posted about the snow, from Minuswell to Erin to DHK to Sydney (who has her own photoset), because it’s absolutely real, not the usual pitiful flurries we see once or twice a decade, but a nice, full, soft snowfall that permits snowmen and some silly sledding and so on.
Above are my dogs with me in our front yard, and here is my photoset of them with me and Will on a tour of the Garden District / City Part / Lakes area, which concluded with a nice visit at my doppelganger’s place.
Five and Bayou loved every second of it.

Many people in Louisiana have posted about the snow, from Minuswell to Erin to DHK to Sydney (who has her own photoset), because it’s absolutely real, not the usual pitiful flurries we see once or twice a decade, but a nice, full, soft snowfall that permits snowmen and some silly sledding and so on.

Above are my dogs with me in our front yard, and here is my photoset of them with me and Will on a tour of the Garden District / City Part / Lakes area, which concluded with a nice visit at my doppelganger’s place.

Five and Bayou loved every second of it.

Tags: dogs
Years and years ago, I lived with Sofia in a house on Park Boulevard; it was messy, as were we, but it had lots of light. I’ve always slept with my dogs, so when I learned that the GPOYW theme was spooning I knew to search for any photos she might have taken, because only through a girlfriend would I have a photograph of such a thing (and she’s the last one whose photos I liked).
I love Five, long-haired and upside down. The wreckage through the window is the debris of a demolished abandoned house; for years, huge graffiti on the front had proclaimed “Fuck You, My Friend,” and I have a few photos of the Baton Rouge coyote in its yard.
Runner-up for Seagull: me, smiling like the giddy nerd I am, with a Mata Mata (which I would have spooned but for the glass):

Years and years ago, I lived with Sofia in a house on Park Boulevard; it was messy, as were we, but it had lots of light. I’ve always slept with my dogs, so when I learned that the GPOYW theme was spooning I knew to search for any photos she might have taken, because only through a girlfriend would I have a photograph of such a thing (and she’s the last one whose photos I liked).

I love Five, long-haired and upside down. The wreckage through the window is the debris of a demolished abandoned house; for years, huge graffiti on the front had proclaimed “Fuck You, My Friend,” and I have a few photos of the Baton Rouge coyote in its yard.

Runner-up for Seagull: me, smiling like the giddy nerd I am, with a Mata Mata (which I would have spooned but for the glass):

Tags: dogs gpoyw
Bayou, yawning; she and Five stayed with Frank while we were in New Orleans this weekend.

Bayou, yawning; she and Five stayed with Frank while we were in New Orleans this weekend.

Tags: dogs
Five hollers.
Will and I brought the dogs swimming today, a departure from their usual routine of chasing a passed football back and forth. It was a warm autumnal day, and we took a few photos; they’re nothing interesting, but here they are.
My dogs like to bark and occasionally snarl at one another, as you might have seen in this video; there was much tension this afternoon over a tennis ball.

Five hollers.

Will and I brought the dogs swimming today, a departure from their usual routine of chasing a passed football back and forth. It was a warm autumnal day, and we took a few photos; they’re nothing interesting, but here they are.

My dogs like to bark and occasionally snarl at one another, as you might have seen in this video; there was much tension this afternoon over a tennis ball.

Tags: dogs
I’ve posted yet another photoset from the ranch, where I’ve been with Q (Syd’s husband), John, Andy, and Lucas. There are few pictures, and none are particularly interesting, because this was far and away the most purely redneck trip we’ve made, and whipping out the camera while people are shooting plants, getting vehicles stuck, and jumping off of the bluffs at midnight into black water just didn’t seem right.
Warning: I made a questionable ethical decision, as well. My dogs are getting old; Bayou is eight and Five is nine. In accordance with their instincts, they’ve attempted to kill many animals through the years, and in accordance with my ethics (or, if you prefer, my wussiness) I’ve not let them.
On this trip, however, I decided to finally let them do as they wished: I let them kill an armadillo. Depending on your sensibilities, and probably your birthplace, this will either seem loathsome or inconsequential. I regretted it as it happened, and afterward; I’ve thought about it far too much, in fact, and can only say that while I’m glad they had their animalistic fill, it won’t happen again.
In any event, there are some rather gruesome photos of the incident in the set, so if you -like me- don’t wish to see them, this is your warning. My thanks to Q for ending the poor creature’s suffering when it became clear that a quick kill wasn’t likely.

I’ve posted yet another photoset from the ranch, where I’ve been with Q (Syd’s husband), John, Andy, and Lucas. There are few pictures, and none are particularly interesting, because this was far and away the most purely redneck trip we’ve made, and whipping out the camera while people are shooting plants, getting vehicles stuck, and jumping off of the bluffs at midnight into black water just didn’t seem right.

Warning: I made a questionable ethical decision, as well. My dogs are getting old; Bayou is eight and Five is nine. In accordance with their instincts, they’ve attempted to kill many animals through the years, and in accordance with my ethics (or, if you prefer, my wussiness) I’ve not let them.

On this trip, however, I decided to finally let them do as they wished: I let them kill an armadillo. Depending on your sensibilities, and probably your birthplace, this will either seem loathsome or inconsequential. I regretted it as it happened, and afterward; I’ve thought about it far too much, in fact, and can only say that while I’m glad they had their animalistic fill, it won’t happen again.

In any event, there are some rather gruesome photos of the incident in the set, so if you -like me- don’t wish to see them, this is your warning. My thanks to Q for ending the poor creature’s suffering when it became clear that a quick kill wasn’t likely.

Tags: ranch

I returned late Sunday night from Texas and have had some difficulty in re-acclimating to my ordinary life. Above, a lazily edited movie from some of the video clips we took of fishing, jumping off things, shooting cans, snakes, armadillos, cattle-herding chows, and more.

Below, some photos from the full set on Flickr. This was a very different ranch trip than the usual peaceful, contemplative exile; it was a rambunctious, drunken redneck party for most of the days; for more typical photos of the ranch, see here.

The back porch at night.

Dogs and guns.

Five hunting armadillos.

Fishing, taunted by an enormous and elusive gar.

Tags: ranch
tumblrfail:

Mills has dogs.  They are cool.
Sidenote: These dogs might be female.  I don’t care, I make the captions around here.

This made me laugh so hard that Five, the black and white male, ran up to see what was happening. Then I felt profound sorrow that I’d never be able to explain meaningfully to him or Bayou that they’d achieved this level of Internet fame, sorrow I counteracted by giving them treats.
Look at that hybrid vigor, though!

tumblrfail:

Mills has dogs.  They are cool.

Sidenote: These dogs might be female.  I don’t care, I make the captions around here.

This made me laugh so hard that Five, the black and white male, ran up to see what was happening. Then I felt profound sorrow that I’d never be able to explain meaningfully to him or Bayou that they’d achieved this level of Internet fame, sorrow I counteracted by giving them treats.

Look at that hybrid vigor, though!

This video is not interesting. It’s dog-nerd stuff: Bayou doesn’t care about dog sounds through the stereo but Five does, and this is his reaction to “Seamus,” by Pink Floyd, which relates to the previous post about the poet Heaney and to Matt’s post about “Fearless” (same album).

These three are brothers, although their age overlap would suggest some sort of shenanigans intruded into their nuclear Cleaver family. They joined us early and, having no parental supervision, nowhere to go or be, no sense of imposition, and no one looking to make sure that they’d not been abducted, they stayed with us for a couple of hours.
They were sweet, in their way: from Mississippi, they had the soft, kind accents that hillbillies sometimes do, the kind of loping verbal gait that almost sounds like song. I’ve always thought it could sound very gentle.
They were also, as are all children, hard on my dogs. Bayou and Five are kid-trained, but inevitably children want to pull on, tackle, ride, push, and slightly abuse animals, not knowing that an animal might not like it and not quite taking subtle hints to that effect; eventually, I had to be stern enough with them that I almost fell apart with guilt.
They are three of six; their father, Tito, was nowhere to be found. At one point, my friend asked the one on the left with the pants around his collarbone why he wore his pants so high; the kid just looked at him. My friend, joking with him in a conspiratorial sort of way, said, “Don’t let your mom make you dress that way if you don’t want.”
The one in the middle said, “Mom’s in the hospital.” My friend, solicitous and anxious, said, “I hope she’s okay; what’s she in for?” The one on the right rushed over and said, “Don’t tell him.”
I’m too sensitive; I have an overactive imagination. But even now my eyes water when I think of the strange and hard world that awaits them, the gnarled family that surrounds them, the blows that will land on them, the pain they will face and the probable lack of preparation for it they’re receiving in this home. Three little Mississippi boys who looked insecure already and wanted to play with my dogs all afternoon in the sun. 

These three are brothers, although their age overlap would suggest some sort of shenanigans intruded into their nuclear Cleaver family. They joined us early and, having no parental supervision, nowhere to go or be, no sense of imposition, and no one looking to make sure that they’d not been abducted, they stayed with us for a couple of hours.

They were sweet, in their way: from Mississippi, they had the soft, kind accents that hillbillies sometimes do, the kind of loping verbal gait that almost sounds like song. I’ve always thought it could sound very gentle.

They were also, as are all children, hard on my dogs. Bayou and Five are kid-trained, but inevitably children want to pull on, tackle, ride, push, and slightly abuse animals, not knowing that an animal might not like it and not quite taking subtle hints to that effect; eventually, I had to be stern enough with them that I almost fell apart with guilt.

They are three of six; their father, Tito, was nowhere to be found. At one point, my friend asked the one on the left with the pants around his collarbone why he wore his pants so high; the kid just looked at him. My friend, joking with him in a conspiratorial sort of way, said, “Don’t let your mom make you dress that way if you don’t want.”

The one in the middle said, “Mom’s in the hospital.” My friend, solicitous and anxious, said, “I hope she’s okay; what’s she in for?” The one on the right rushed over and said, “Don’t tell him.”

I’m too sensitive; I have an overactive imagination. But even now my eyes water when I think of the strange and hard world that awaits them, the gnarled family that surrounds them, the blows that will land on them, the pain they will face and the probable lack of preparation for it they’re receiving in this home. Three little Mississippi boys who looked insecure already and wanted to play with my dogs all afternoon in the sun. 

From katydid I learned of this trick to amuse yourself and your dog: “Place a small amount of peanut butter on the dog’s tail and watch her spin like a top.”
As you might gather from my posting habits, I have a fairly empty life once the sun goes down, so I drove to the grocery store -to which I travel about twice a year- and got some peanut butter.
When I got home and attempted to reproduce the top-like whirling-dervish behavior I imagined, I was reminded again of how much my dogs are like me: they just don’t want things that badly, not even food.
I filmed it, but it’s too dispiriting to watch: for a while, they don’t acknowledge the peanut butter smeared onto their bodies, being unaccustomed to eating this way (I do it all the time). When they do get to it, they sit down and curl until in position, then eat the peanut butter, then look at me with faces that suggest confusion. Bayou actually got so bored that she outsourced the consumption to Five, who obliged happily.
It did produce this delightful, National Geographic ‘Patterns in Nature’ photograph.

From katydid I learned of this trick to amuse yourself and your dog: “Place a small amount of peanut butter on the dog’s tail and watch her spin like a top.”

As you might gather from my posting habits, I have a fairly empty life once the sun goes down, so I drove to the grocery store -to which I travel about twice a year- and got some peanut butter.

When I got home and attempted to reproduce the top-like whirling-dervish behavior I imagined, I was reminded again of how much my dogs are like me: they just don’t want things that badly, not even food.

I filmed it, but it’s too dispiriting to watch: for a while, they don’t acknowledge the peanut butter smeared onto their bodies, being unaccustomed to eating this way (I do it all the time). When they do get to it, they sit down and curl until in position, then eat the peanut butter, then look at me with faces that suggest confusion. Bayou actually got so bored that she outsourced the consumption to Five, who obliged happily.

It did produce this delightful, National Geographic ‘Patterns in Nature’ photograph.