-Mills The best part about this is that it’s completely true. I have photographic evidence. (via saramcpherson)
This did indeed happen, and while discussing the brands involved with Matt I remembered something notable. My dad, who exists primarily to torment me, discovered about a decade ago that nothing angers me more quickly than Parade Magazine, particularly the obnoxious columnist Marilyn Vos Savant. He loves to clip her columns and mail them to me, knowing that the moment I open the envelope apoplexy ensues.
Vos Savant, should you be lucky enough not to know her, is a columnist who has been given a pulpit simply because she has a very high IQ, possibly the highest ever. Predictably, this miraculous IQ in no way endows her with any literary or intellectual talent; most of her columns are either brain-teasing puzzles (which I always fail) or inane answers to insipid questions.
What enrages me most is that questions are put to Vos Savant which her IQ doesn’t qualify her to answer authoritatively but which she nevertheless attempts to address, always in a smug and grating tone. Once, a reader asked her (not a nutritionist or doctor, but a high-IQ columnist) what single food would be best on a desert island.
Her answer? Dog food, as it sustains dogs completely by itself. I’m sure I don’t need to belabor why this is catastrophically stupid, and I hope that her reader didn’t intentionally shipwreck himself with cans of Alpo and some Kibble ‘n’ Bits.
In my personal testing, which occurred out of pure, pathological laziness, I discovered that you’d only want to subsist on dog food if you really enjoy stomach cramps and nausea.
(Note: if you too hate Parade, make sure to check out The Onion’s Weekender Magazine).
