Without recapitulating all the things that have me hating myself and the universe today, I did want to set the stage for how it was that I came to discover that Fatmanatee and Minuswell are more capable than my regimen of ludicrously expensive, probably toxic prescription medications at improving my mood.
I had a grim day; I’m sick and it’s rainy and repulsive here and there hasn’t been a damn thing to do except feel my skin hanging off of my face. Anything I write in moods like this is gratingly self-pitying and too idiosyncratic to resonate, so I just stayed offline and slept and read.
When I finally did get online, I found not one but two rather astonishing images; the first, from Minuswell, noted a similarity he sees between me and Dr. Who. I’d never seen this actor before, but I admire his look of furious bewilderment, which speaks to my state of mind. Incidentally, the person I’m usually compared to -seriously, by everyone, by gas station employees and coworkers and so on- is Topher Grace.
(Me and Dr. Who, below)

Then, from the ever-brilliant Fatmanatee at TumblrFAIL, came the shockingly hideous memory below. We’d had some “Wear Ugly Clothes and Get Food” party or something at work, and Syd and I (among others) I think did quite well for ourselves. It’s the captioning, however, which is genius.

I know it’s ridiculous, but I really appreciated it today. Thanks, both of you!
Pervert. Why don’t you wear it to the school yard and watch the kids through the chain link fence?
From thedaytheytriedtokillme. Best manual ever. You really need to see the full PDF. I happen to be a totally average 2008 manager, and I can assure you that these principles are instinctive to me. Honestly, this is my company in list form. (What’s with all the quotation marks, though?)
(1) Insist on doing everything through “channels.” Never permit short-cuts to be taken in order to expedite decisions.
(2) Make “speeches.” Talk as frequently as possible and at great length. Illustrate your “points” by long anecdotes and accounts of personal experiences. Never hesitate to make a few appropriate “patriotic” comments.
(3) When possible, refer all matters to committees, for “further study and consideration.” Attempt to make the committees as large as possible — never less than five.
(4) Bring up irrelevant issues as frequently as possible.
(5) Haggle over precise wordings of communications, minutes, resolutions.
(6) Refer back to matters decided upon at the last meeting and attempt to re-open the question of the advisability of that decision.
(7) Advocate “caution.” Be “reasonable” and urge your fellow-conferees to be “reasonable” and avoid haste which might result in embarrassments or difficulties later on.
(8) Be worried about the propriety of any decision — raise the question of whether such action as is contemplated lies within the juris diction of the group or whether it might conflict with the policy of some higher echelon.
What is hell? I maintain that it is the suffering of being unable to love.
—
Fyodor Dostoevsky in The Brothers Karamazov (via the excellent Kyle Bingman, who linked to Joshua Longbrake).
The problem with heedlessly rushing into love, which is the only good way to do it, is that you often choose lovers poorly, based on mysterious and powerful inclinations. They may be generated by sublimated psychological issues, perhaps having to do with your parents or your past, or we may just say “Love is irrational. There is nothing we can do about it.” But they never follow some hygienic matrix of rational calculations,
The consequence of these thrilling and poor choices is that you accrue scar tissue from your predictably failed relationships, and it becomes ever harder to open, to trust, to hope, to love. The difference for me between being young and old is that when I was young I worried no one would ever love me; now I worry whether or how well I can love others.
(Maybe this doesn’t happen to healthy people, which I wouldn’t hold against them).
When two people part it is the one who is not in love who makes the tender speeches.
—
Marcel Proust. I immediately thought of those times I’d offered the soft consolatory words, and felt ashamed; then I thought of those times someone had tried to pacify me as they left, and felt freshly wounded. He’s utterly right.
Leave those men alone. They’re talking business.
—
A mother to her small blond haired son as he stared at Mills and me, while we discussed today’s WWDC announcements. (via billydalto).
Another moment to remember as I get older: when women started corralling their kids around my friends and me because we appeared to be “businessmen” rather than because they feared we’d curse too much or bust out some drug paraphernalia.